Mind Your Manners
by Fairyfinder
Summary: Slight AU: Rather than imprison Loki in Asgard, Odin punishes him by forcing him to stay on Earth. To add insult to injury SHIELD hires a young etiquette teacher to inform the trickster on proper manners. Eventually the teacher and Loki begin to get along, but he wouldn't be the trickster god if he didn't have something up his sleeve... (Loki/OC)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! Welcome to the story! Whether it be your first time reading one of my stories or you've read them all (doubtful) I welcome you to my newest fic. If you have read some of my other stories then you are probably wondering what in the nine realms I'm doing writing** ** _another_** **story instead of updating one of my other ones. Well, the thing is new ideas come easily, the hard part is finishing them out. Never fear, my other stories will be finished eventually, but I came up with this idea, wanted to get started on it, and there you have it. I hope you enjoy! :)**

The airport was filled with a hustle and bustle that greatly disturbed the sole occupant of Waiting Area B. The young woman disliked any noise above eighty decibels and the crowded building was certainly above one hundred with it's crowds, machines, and background noise of planes taking off. She would have covered her ears, but she considered it frightfully rude to do so in public and so refrained from the action.

Her watch kept the time with a steady ticking and when she glanced down at it she was displeased to find that her escort was running behind schedule. Blast whatever people said about "fashionably late", it was rude to keep others waiting on your own behalf. The young woman did not abide rudeness of any sort, but that was to be expected in her line of work. Teachers of etiquette were creatures to be feared and ever since this particular instructor had gained her position she had reveled in politeness and batted away any misbehavior like a world class cricket player.

There was a shuffling of feet, barely audible above the airport noises, coming in the woman's direction. She knew who it was without looking and rose to her feet. Forcing a warm smile despite this person's incivility and tardy arrival time, the woman offered her hand to the man before her. He wore all black leather, including over his missing eye. His head was as bald as the aerial American mascot and his goatee glistened with sweat, but a small grin was present as he shook her hand.

"Ms. Keeves?" He asked.

"Yes, Director Fury, I presume?" She replied, noticing he had a suitably firm hand shake.

"The one and only. Thank you for coming all this way. How was your flight?" He picked up her bag and began leading her to the airport exit. She briskly trotted alongside him.

"Not so bad as last time I visited the States, though there was a bit of delay due to some alien technology hanging about and causing interference." In truth the flight had been a wretched affair, but it would have been impolite to gripe about her own problems so she let the matter fall.

"Sorry about that, getting the whole mess cleaned up is taking a bit more time than we at SHIELD would like, but we are only human." Fury took her to a black SUV with an eagle logo on it and opened the back door for her.

"From what I've heard, not all of your people are _human._ " She couldn't help but snort a little.

"True, but I highly doubt any of our Avengers would stoop to cleaning up the city - even if they helped make the mess." The director laughed and tossed her luggage into the trunk of the vehicle. She climbed into the back seat of the car and straightened her pencil skirt and pristine blouse.

"Have you got any questions before we head to the base?" Fury asked her as he fastened his seatbelt in the driver's chair.

"To be frank, I've quite a few questions about this whole ordeal. For starters, why on earth would a spy agency need an etiquette teacher from London? I can't imagine your agents need training in how to properly set a table or behave at formal events." She smirked slightly, impolite as it was.

"Actually, some of our people do have to know that kind of thing for undercover operations," Fury commented, "But we have our own people for that. The reason we hired you, Ms. Keeves, was because we wanted the best of the best in teaching manners."

"Whatever for?"

"Have you ever heard of the phrase 'adding insult to injury'?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Well, by hiring you for this particular job we'll be doing just that."

"And to whom will we be doing this?"

"Loki of Asgard."

"I beg your pardon? Isn't that the man… alien… person, who initiated the Battle of New York last week?"

"It is. The king of Asgard decided that as punishment for these actions Loki will be staying on Earth to do community service and learn more about us."

"And I am to do what exactly?"

"In order to learn more about us we thought it might be good if he learned how to properly behave himself. You are going to give him manners lessons." Fury grinned smugly.

"I'm sorry, but that sounds utterly mad. If you have the beast in a cage why would you want to poke it with a stick?"

"Insult to injury."

"I don't mean to insult you, but is everyone at SHIELD as daft as you are, director?"

Fury chuckled. "I like you Keeves."

"The entire purpose for my being here is to irritate that madman with lessons in how to properly behave so that you can make him feel lowly? I don't see the logical benefit."

"Maybe it isn't logical, but Stark is paying your salary so I don't really care."

"Unbelievable."

"Are you going to go through with it or not? I can always take you back to the airport if it's outside your comfort zone."

She thought for a moment, biting her lip nervously. This certainly crossed outside of her comfort zone, in fact it missed it by miles. However, she was always one to challenge herself - not to mention she would get the chance to tell this Loki how the people of Earth felt about his attempted take over. Her dear American pen pal had been wounded greatly in the battle and Ms. Keeves felt it her duty as a human to do everything in her power to make the would-be-king miserable. And on top of those benefits she would also be paid a hefty sum for her services.

"I'll do it. If for nothing else than to be able to spit in Loki's food for all that he's done."

Fury smiled again and repeated his earlier sentiment. "I like you Keeves."

* * *

Loki paced irritably in his cell. Odin had declared that he would be staying on Midgard as punishment, rather than rotting in some prison on Asgard. The All-Father's reasoning being that Loki had committed crimes on Midgard and so he would serve his sentence on the little realm.

Now he was stuck in a SHIELD base for eighteen hours of the day, with the other six spent cleaning up the rumble from the Chitauri invasion. The only people who he ever saw were the Avengers and various idiotic SHIELD agents. On top of all that his magical abilities had been dampened by an Asgardian device Thor picked up. He could only use magic inside his cell and should he try and use it to escape an agent would turn off his powers completely via a cuff he was forced to wear on his wrist. Life on Earth was making him rather moody and when he got moody people suffered.

In the past two days he had thrown two "tantrums", as Fury called them, and frightened every agent in the room as well as those who watched him through the surveillance equipment. Of course he made sure to conceal all of his outbursts with an egotistical facade and a sinister laugh, but inside he was writhing with boredom and irritation. He needed to think of a way out of here.

As he paced in his cell - which was nearly identical to his cell on the Helicarrier, minus the button that could send him crashing thousands of feet to his death - he heard the click of the door opening and Thor waltzed in.

"Brother!" The blond greeted, "It is time for your community service!"

"I know, Thor, I can read a clock." Loki seethed as the cell door opened and handcuffs were snapped onto his wrists.

"Fury says that he is bringing a special guest to meet you later, so you have something to look forward to when you've finished fixing up the city."

Loki raised an eyebrow but made no comment. Visitors were rare for the trickster god and he wondered who this person could be… and what their motive was for visiting him.

As Thor lead him through the front lobby of the SHIELD base to the car that would take him to his work detail, Fury passed through with a woman in tow. The director showed no interest as Loki passed by them, but the woman studied him carefully - Loki studied her back.

She was short, only a few inches over five feet, and quite plump. She looked out of place amongst the stick thin agents around her. Her features were pleasant, but not stunningly beautiful, simply average. Her hair was either an incredibly light brown or a very dark blonde and was pulled back into a plain knot at the back of her head. She was dressed practically with a plain skirt, shirt, jacket, and flat shoes. Her mouth was twisted into a scowl of disgust when she saw him.

Sensing someone who despised him and his actions, Loki smirked at her. She crossed her arms, gave him one more dirty look, and followed Director Fury through the lobby. Loki watched her go, certain that she was his "special visitor", but what in the nine realms was her purpose for being here?

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! Don't forget to follow/review (I wouldn't ask you to favorite so early on in the story, but if you want to you certainly may). See you soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Tada! Chapter 2 of this wacky story! We get to know the OC a little more in this chapter, but not a ton. Maybe I'll do some more background information on her in the next chapter. Anywho... enjoy!**

Loki returned to his cell six hours later, tired and ready to be done with the day. Thor tossed him in his cell and then left. The trickster sat on the cot and mentally analysed everything he had learned that day.

Whenever he went out he studied. He looked for possible escape routes, memorized what guards were on duty and when, what streets he was taken to when he worked in the city, the names of agents he came across - every detail he encountered he analysed. Knowledge was power and if he missed even the slightest detail it could mean failure when he initiated his escape.

Not if, when. He would not succumb to the "discipline" Odin tried to force on him. Midgard had never been the prize he was after anyway. While it wouldn't have hurt his plans to have been successful in ruling this realm, the thing he truly desired was the throne of Asgard. So, once he escaped he would cause more damage and wreak enough havoc that Odin would have no choice but to take him from Midgard and imprison him on Asgard instead. If Loki proved the Midgardians were not capable of controlling him then he would end up in the place he wanted to be in all along. Asgard.

After all, it was difficult to claim the throne of a realm he was not currently in. He'd have to first get to Asgard before he could ever think of overthrowing the man he'd once called "father". So he studied, analysed, and memorized until he knew enough to escape this mortal realm.

"Ignoring your guest is dreadfully rude." A high female voice quipped in an accent not unlike his own. Loki stirred from his analysing to look up at the owner of the voice. It was the woman he'd seen in the lobby, the stout blonde woman. His guess had been correct, she was his visitor.

"Staring," She commented, "Also a rather impolite thing to do." She was standing on the outside of the glass cell, arms crossed and chin held high. The Midgardian was younger than he'd thought when he first saw her. In the lobby the lights had made shadows appear as age marks, but in here - where the light was brighter - she looked no more than a human's appearance at twenty five.

"What is your name?" He asked after they had been silent for some time. Names were important things and if he was going to find out why she was here he first wanted a name to associate with that reason.

"Edith Keeves," She gave him a false smile, "But don't strain yourself by telling me your name, Director Fury has already provided me with the whole file." She hoisted a packet of papers and nodded.

"You must feel _so_ privileged, Edith." He leered with an eye roll

"Actually, I prefer you refer to me as Ms. Keeves - or even just Keeves - if it isn't too much of an imposition. First names are reserved for friends or less formal circumstances. You and I are not friends and the circumstances are quite professional," The woman noted, opening the folder delicately and thumbing through the papers.

"And what is it that you are here to do? Are you some sort of psychologist, _Edith_?" Midgardian names were so odd; he thought it was amusing to say this one, though that could have something to do with the way she scowled at his use of it.

"As I've just said, I'd prefer if you do not call me by my first name…" She pointed out, but he cut her off.

"If you knew a thing about me then you'd know I'm not inclined to do as others ask of me."

"Actually, Mr. Laufeyson, I know rather a lot about you. While you've been about cleaning the city I have read this file cover to cover." Edith smiled brightly at him.

"Alas, I haven't had the same opportunity," He looked her up and down, "So, if you would be so kind as to enlighten me…"

The woman took a seat in a plastic chair that had been set out and Loki sat on his cot again. Studying him carefully, she shot him a brief grin.

"As rude as it is to beat around the bush, I've heard you like games. Why don't you ask me a question and I'll give you a hint to the answer - then you can make whatever assumptions you like about me."

Loki smirked. "But where is the fairness in that? You already know everything there is to know about me and all you had to do was read a file. Why should I have to work to figure you out?"

Her dark brown eyes sparkled. "Because this absolutely the only way you'll get any information out of me. So you can do it my way or know nothing it all."

"A woman of mystery, aren't you?" He snorted.

"Oh not at all!" She laughed, it sounded a bit like bells, "But I am feeling rather secretive, I suppose it comes from being around spies and secret agents all day."

If this woman wanted to play a game then so be it. She would be dearly sorry when he bested her at it. Humans were pesky creatures, he found it was best to put them in their place before they got out of hand. He would do to this woman what he did to everyone else Fury sent to him: he would annoy her to no ends, insult her every chance he got, and then perhaps he would make her sob. At least she would provide some sort of entertainment.

"Very well, my first question is this: what are your ties to SHIELD?" Better get the important information out of the way before he broke her.

"My hint," She thought for a moment, playing with a simple gold ring on her left hand, "Green."

"Easy, you are here because of me, correct? Whatever your purpose is, you were brought here specially to either rehabilitate me or further punish me." He snapped quickly.

"Oh you are a smart one!" She gave him a brisk round of applause, clapping gently, "What is your next question, please?"

"Are you married?" He hadn't planned on asking the question, but he'd observed the ring on her finger and couldn't help but wonder. If he ever had any use of her then perhaps he could use this knowledge against her - threatening her husband or something.

"Now that question is a tad difficult to answer with a hint so I'll just give you the information flat out: no. Nor am I engaged," She caught him staring at the ring and held up her hand, "This was a gift from my grandfather before he passed away."

"I didn't ask for your complete family history, please do not bore me with unimportant details." He sneered, hoping to unnerve her.

She clucked her tongue. "Dreadful… I certainly do have my work cut out for me." Edith seemed to be saying it more to herself than anyone.

"And what work is that? What have you come here to do?"

"Teach."

The hint was brief and while it seemed like it should have answered the question entirely, all it did was spark more questions. What was she teaching? To whom? If she was teaching him something then it probably had to do with Midgardian culture, right? After all, Odin had ordered he learn about the dull creatures.

Loki pushed down all these questions and instead nodded as if he understood. "Of course. Here is my next question…"

"Wait, so you've figured out what I am going to teach? You've made a guess from that one word? Or do you simply not care?" Edith asked and he inwardly grinned. He had a feeling she would want to brag a little about whatever it was she was doing. The more he strayed from the subject the more she would bring him back to it.

"It's not that I don't care, I just guessed what you were alluding to and now I'm ready to move on… as I was saying, my next question: where do you come from?"

"London," She snapped, "How could you possibly guess from that one word?"

"As you stated before," He winked, "I am a smart one."

She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Alright, if you're so clever then tell me what it is I am here to do."

"Why should I? I know and you know, doubtless the agents watching on the camera know as well - why would I give unnecessary exposition?" He teased, causing her to tap her foot impatiently.

"Well that just proves it's a bluff! You know absolutely nothing on the subject, do you?"

He shrugged. "I know what I know and you know what you know, who knows if we know the same thing? Anyways, my next question is this: what did you think of my invasion?"

"Terribly rude, caused a lot more pain than was needed, and it made a mess," She answered. He grinned. She'd stopped answering him with little hints now that he'd gotten her riled up. If he asked her for the passcode to his cell door she would probably give it to him - if she knew it, "But back on subject, I know you are bluffing. You can't possibly know why I'm here based off of me telling you that I am a teacher of etiquette!"

That was new information. So the woman taught etiquette? How was that pertinent to him? It wasn't as if SHIELD was going to teach _him_ manners, was it? He scowled briefly. But why wouldn't they? Tony Stark probably thought it was some great joke. If Odin wanted him to learn about Midgard then why not throw in a governess as well? Perhaps they wanted to rehabilitate him that way - or just mock him.

"I may or may not be bluffing, but how would you tell the difference?" He said, "Here is another question for you: what do you think of my manners?"

"Greatly lacking, though I do hope that changes soon!" Her cheeks were bright red, "Now, I've called your bluff, admit you don't know why I'm here, please." She smirked triumphantly at him and he examined his fingernails.

"Very well, you are here because SHIELD thought it would be amusing to have you attempt to teach me some manners. I'm assuming you were given the example 'adding insult to injury'," He answered quietly. She gawked at him and he snickered, "Don't look so impressed, you gave me most of that information after I claimed I knew why you were here."

Edith rubbed her forehead and straightened up, rising from the chair and stepping closer to the glass. She stared him straight in the eye with a fierce expression.

"I suppose you think you're rather tricky, don't you?"

"That's what they tell me."

"And perhaps you _have_ beaten me at my own game," She suddenly smiled very brightly at him, without a trace of disdain, "Good game, if this cell wall weren't in the way I would offer to shake your hand. It's been a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Laufeyson. I will see you again tomorrow after your community service. Good day." She nodded politely and grabbed the file on him on her way out the door.

Loki stared after her. She admitted that he had beaten her… but she was still cheerful? That was a new reaction. Perhaps he hadn't quite solved this puzzle after all.

* * *

Nick Fury was gaping at Edith when she exited the room with the cell. She smiled at him and stopped. He glanced at the door she had just come through.

"What was _that_?"

"Hmm?" She asked pleasantly.

"He had you beat…" The director shook his head, "But somehow it still feels like you won. What did you do?"

"I displayed good sportsmanship," Edith answered simply, "If I am to teach him etiquette then why would I start by behaving in an uncivilized manner? I hardly think it would be appropriate for me to cling to some desperate hope that I could still wiggle out on top. I'm afraid I'm not that witty. He won fair and square and I accepted it."

Fury gave her a look she couldn't quite interpret. "So you didn't have some ulterior motive - you weren't letting him know all that information so that you could twist the game around at the last second and then beat him? You just got beat?"

"Now, now…" Edith grinned lightly, "I never said that I didn't _let_ him have the information."

"So the game was fixed?" Fury asked skeptically.

"I suppose you could say that I let him figure out why I was there. But I would have never let him know that. It would be terribly rude you know."

"So you allowed him to think he was smarter than you so that you could be a good sport to him? That's…"

"Illogical? Indeed, but then so is my whole reason for being here. Criminals don't need etiquette teachers, director, it makes no sense." With that, Edith nodded to the one eyed man and continued on her way to the room she had been assigned.

Fury shook his head and tried to get a grasp on what had just happened. Keeves had tricked Loki into thinking he was winning a game so that she could be polite to him so that she could prove to Fury that her being there was not necessary.

"So it was all to prove a point to _me_?" He asked out loud, "Loki's gonna have a hard time pulling the wool over this one's eyes, she's always a step ahead." The director chuckled and then went about his business.

 **A/N: Well, that was interesting to write. I'm sorry if it's kind of confusing - I'm kind of hungry right now and when I'm hungry my writing goes all over the place and even I can't nail it down. I hope you enjoyed it anyway! What do you guys think of Edith? Yay or nay? Is she a good OC or does she need some work? Am I keeping all the canon characters in character?**

 **Thanks for reading! Be sure to follow/review!**


	3. Chapter 3

The morning sun shot through the small window in the closet sized SHIELD base bedroom. When the light shone on Edith's eyes she snapped up and began to prepare for the day. Her clothes were wrinkled from being stuffed in a suitcase, but after a few shakes she found them reasonably presentable. Donning her usual blouse, blazer, and skirt she brushed out her shoulder length hair and pulled it back into a bun. Now ready for her day, she opened the door to her miniscule room and began on her way to the cafeteria.

"Keeves!" Someone shouted as Edith walked through the halls of the base, "Ms. Keeves, wait a minute!"

She turned to find Nick Fury and smiled. "Yes?"

"Have you had breakfast yet?"

"I was just on my way…"

"Oh good!" He interrupted and Edith scowled, "We thought it would be best if you ate your meals with your pupil."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head slightly. "I'd much prefer to eat in the cafeteria for all my meals if you don't mind."

Fury studied her face for a moment, taking in the pale cheeks and widened eyes. "You're scared, aren't you?"

Edith bit her lip nervously. "Just a bit."

"Are you serious? You weren't scared of him yesterday!" The director accused.

"I think I was acting on a rush of adrenaline yesterday… today I'm not feeling quite so foolish." She played with the ring on her hand and tried not to look him in the eye.

"So are you quitting?"

"Well, I didn't say that exactly…"

"Then what are you saying?"

If there was one thing Edith couldn't stand it was being interrupted and Director Fury had done so twice in the span of one conversation. She clenched her fists and looked him in the eye again.

"I'm saying that the man in that cell killed dozens of people and attempted to take over our world as we know it and that I am just now getting the common sense to realize I shouldn't be making a murderer angry with me," She sighed suddenly, "I'm sorry, I'm just a bit frazzled at the moment and I need time to collect my thoughts."

"Then collect them during breakfast; you don't have to talk to him, just sit there and eat. I don't really care," He glanced at her once more, "Besides, he can't hurt you while he's in his cell."

"I just don't think…"

"It's what you're getting paid for Keeves." That was his third interruption. Edith had had enough. She nodded stiffly and turned to go, but before she did she "accidently" stepped on his toes.

"Terribly rude to interrupt people, director, terribly rude." And then she marched on her way, muttering about pompous one eyed men and ridiculous alien invaders. She didn't pay much attention as she bustled through the halls of the SHIELD base and soon found herself rounding a corner and ramming right into a group of people. Jolted out of her mutterings, her manners quickly came back to her and she apologized profusely.

"I am so sorry! I did not see you there, I was so caught up in my thoughts." She looked up to see who she had bumped into and was surprised to find Tony Stark looking back at her along with Captain America and Thor.

"Well cheerio old chaps!" Stark teased, doing a terrible impression of her accent, "Don't worry about it Crumpet!"

"Keeves, actually, Edith Keeves," She couldn't help herself, "And you know, mocking the way someone speaks just because they are from a different country is something only a schoolyard bully would do, Mr. Stark."

"You must be the manners lady I hired to give old Reindeer Games a headache," Stark pinched her cheek and she swatted his hand away, "I expected more of a Mary Poppins and less of a Winnie the Pooh - you're so adorable and tiny!" He cooed.

"Leave the poor lady alone Stark." Captain America commented.

"Thank you, Mr. Rogers, but I am quite capable of standing up for myself," She gave Stark a death glare, which had been taught to her by the highest ranking teacher in the school she worked for, "I will not tolerate such derogatory behavior from anyone, Mr. Stark - I couldn't care less if you are my employer or not."

"Feisty one!" Stark patted her on the head and kept walking, "See ya later Crumpet!"

"What a vile man," Edith wrinkled her nose in disgust, "I hope he has at least one redeeming quality or I shall be forced to vacate my position."

"Sorry about that, ma'am, he can be a bit… odd."

"You don't have to apologize for him, Mr. Rogers. He is his own responsibility and I simply hope that he doesn't offend anyone too powerful, lest he get in trouble."

"I'd like to stay and chat about how annoying Stark is, but I'm running late for a meeting. I'll see you later Ms. Keeves." With that Captain America sprinted off, leaving Edith in the presence of Thor.

"So you are the mortal woman who intends to rehabilitate my brother."

"Indeed. It is a pleasure to meet you." She stuck out her hand and he shook it.

"I must warn you, Loki is hard to get along with. He will take anything he knows about you and twist it into an insult or a curse. He will try everything he can to get you down, but you must be strong."

"Thank you for the tip. I will take that into consideration," Her stomach rumbled, "Oh pardon me! I haven't had breakfast yet!"

"Don't let me stop you from getting a meal!" Thor laughed, stepping out of the way and then continuing on to follow the captain and Stark.

* * *

As Edith sat at the little table set up in front of his cell she tried to look at him as little as possible. She knew it was rude and she knew it set a poor example, but frankly, she was too afraid to look. After the conflict the night before she had completely lost her nerve to speak to this murderer. Now she had to sit a mere twelve feet away from him while she ate her breakfast.

Eating was not difficult, no matter how self-conscious she felt being watched. Food was comforting no matter what situation she was in. This philosophy has lead to a few extra pounds, but Edith had always considered herself rather chunky to begin with so she didn't much mind. Besides, it wasn't like she was eating trash, and she _did_ exercise once a day.

"Aren't you going to say hello? You said yourself that ignoring people was rude." A smooth voice floated out of the cell and pierced Edith's thoughts about whether or not broccoli was still health food if it was lathered in cheese. She glanced up meekly and then quickly returned to her broccoli dilemma. Perhaps if she pretended he wasn't there then he would leave her alone. If it worked with playground bullies then maybe it would work with alien invaders too.

"I asked you a question mortal."

Edith's hand began to tremble a little bit at his chilling voice and she couldn't help but squeaking out a timid, "Good morning."

"What do you find 'good' about it?" Loki sneered, and if she would have looked up Edith would have seen him moodily rest his feet on the table. It was probably better that she didn't see it, for it was an atrocious display of his lack of manners.

"I suppose," She said quietly, and then cleared her throat, "Any morning that I'm alive, safe, and with food to eat is a good morning."

"You really don't have much in the way of expectations." He snorted and then fell silent, watching her eat her food. He had already picked his breakfast apart and eaten the things that didn't make him want to vomit. Midgardians had such disgusting cuisine.

After she had finished eating, Edith gave him a quick and terrified glance before clearing away her dish and heading out the door. Before she could swipe her security card to escape the room he called out again.

"Where are you off to now, you diminutive lump? Is it not your job to spend time in my presence?"

Edith turned bright red and had to bite her tongue to keep from lashing out over his insult and disgraceful attitude. She counted to ten in her head and then turned around with a sweet smile, never actually meeting his eyes, but looking in that general direction.

"Actually, my career working with you doesn't start until tomorrow. I have business to attend to today. However, all of our meals shall be spent together so I will see you around noon," She nervously fumbled with her security card and then swiped it, "Good day to you sir."

Exiting the room she sighed with relief and leaned against the wall to her right. She fidgeted with the ring on her finger and then remembered the business that she had. Remembering significantly brightened her mood and she regained her composure and then trotted down the hall to find a specific agent of SHIELD.

* * *

Loki was more confused than ever about Ms. Edith Keeves. She had been brash and bold the day before, but now she seemed quiet and frightened. He was pleased that she was frightened of him - what he'd done was something to be afraid of - but he desperately wanted to know what this woman was doing. What was her motive? Everyone had one, and he prided himself on being able to find and exploit most people's, but this woman didn't have any reason for what she was doing and her constantly changing temperament made her hard to read. He supposed he would just have to spend more time with her to figure it out.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi all! Thank you for reading so far and I hope the long gap between updates doesn't turn you away. I've been busy with school, but hopefully I'll be able to shoot in a few updates now and again. I just wanted to put a brief notice here before you read on. This story is meant to be humorous, not dramatic. Any and all romance situations will be based on comedy. So yeah, it's probably gonna be unrealistic - it might even get a tad OOC - but it's supposed to be funny. Okay, warning over. Enjoy the chapter! :)**

Special Agent Keeves grinned triumphantly as her fist connected with her opponent's chest. The man stumbled backward at the force of her hit and then returned it. She dodged, but realized too late it was just a feign. His foot snapped out of nowhere and knocked her to the floor with a grunt. Agent Keeves rolled out of the way just as her adversary was going to strike her and then she was on her feet again.

Ten minutes later both sparrers were out of breath and panting heavily, but neither was giving in. Finally, the man dropped his guard for a half of a second when the door to the room creaked open and Agent Keeves pounced, tackling him to the floor and pinning him there. She smirked and pushed her long blonde braid back over her shoulder and out of the way.

"Oof!" The man grunted, "Let me up!"

"Admit that I won?" Agent Keeves asked sweetly.

"Fine. You won."

"And that I'm better at hand-to-hand combat?"

"You know you are."

"Say it." The agent pinched her opponent's shoulder.

"Ouch! Alright, you're better than me! Will you let me up now?"

"Pardon my intrusion," A high voice coughed over by the door, "But I'm looking for Agent Keeves." The woman in question quickly rose from the sparring mat in the gym and looked to the door, long hair swinging behind her. Her eyes lit up when she spotted the occupant of the doorway.

"Edith!" The agent squealed, running over to the shorter woman and giving her a hug.

"Hello Matilda," Edith giggled, wrapping her arms around her sister, "How've you been?"

"Positively awful till you got here! I missed you!" The agent was tall and thin, contrasting her sister's stout shape, but both of the women had dark blonde hair, brown eyes, and little button noses.

"Well if you missed me so badly why didn't you ever come visit?" Edith chided teasingly.

"This bloody alien stuff has got me all tied up right now and before that I've had missions all around the world dealing with 'top secret' information." She made air quotes and rolled her eyes.

"But none of those missions ever brought you to London? Not even for a bit?"

"If they had I wouldn't be allowed to tell you," Matilda smirked, "It's all confidential."

"Oh you're no fun at all!" Edith snapped and then both of them were laughing. The man who had previously been pinned to the ground stared at the sisters for a moment before walking out of the gym.

The two talked of family, missions, and life for a while before Matilda asked Edith why she was in the SHIELD base to begin with. Not that she wasn't ecstatic to see her sister but not very many people were allowed in the base.

Edith paled. "Matty, I think I've gotten myself into a sticky situation."

Matilda's eyes flashed darkly. "Edith, whatever it is, I'm sure it isn't your fault. I can vouch for you and you'll be out of trouble in no time. What do they think you did? How well did you hide the body?"

"Calm down! I didn't kill anyone!"

"Oh good! So _what_ did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. SHIELD hired me… well Tony Stark did I suppose."

"So you're an agent now?" Matilda looked her sister up and down, "No offense, but I'm having a difficult time believing that."

"I'm not an agent. I'm here to do my job."

"You're going to teach the Avengers how properly behave at a social gathering?" Matilda giggled, "I'd really love to see that."

"Not the Avengers… I'm here to teach Earthen etiquette to Loki." Edith bit her lip and glanced at her sister nervously.

Matilda didn't react for a moment and then suddenly burst out laughing. "Haha! You almost had me there. I never thought you were the joking type."

"I'm not."

"Edith May Keeves!" Matilda shrilled clenching her fists and standing as tall as she could over her sister, "Have you gone mad?!"

"Listen,"

"No you listen! I will not have my sister interacting with the barmy alien who attempted to destroy New York City and killed dozens of people. You go tell whoever hired you to do this that you are off the case and you will not be coming back! Are you absolutely insane?!"

"Matilda! I know what I'm doing!" Edith snapped, "Besides, I've already spoken to him and…"

"You _what_?!" Matilda gasped.

"I spoke with him last night to introduce myself and then I had breakfast with him this morning. If I'm going to be teaching him I have to talk to him at some point."

"No! No you do not! Whose idiot idea was this anyway? You are not staying here a moment longer or so help me…"

"Calm down, you aren't in control of my life Matilda. I am an adult and I can make my own decisions. You don't have to constantly be looking out for me anymore."

The SHIELD agent looked like she was going to burst. "But I _do_ have to look out for you, you're my little sister. This isn't some mean bully like it was back in school, this is a deranged killer who hates humans," She took a deep breath and calmed down a bit, "Please listen, I just want you to be safe."

"I know you do, and I will be. I'm not overly fond of the job myself, but it pays well and this is a chance to get back at that monster for all that he's done to the world." Edith took her sister's hand and smiled slightly, but Matilda shook her off and grabbed a black SHIELD issued jacket from a hook in the corner. She shrugged it on over her sweat covered tank top and pushed open the gym door. Edith followed cautiously.

"Tell me who hired you."

"Well, Tony Stark is paying me, but Director Fury is the one who hired me."

Matilda threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "Of course! Ugh!" The enraged agent stomped down the halls, her combat boots causing loud echoes through the halls.

The etiquette teacher followed Matilda to Director Fury's office, found it vacant, and then continued marching through the halls. Matilda asked her boss' whereabouts from another agent and then stormed through the building to a meeting room. She flung open the door without regard to who was inside and waltzed right up to Nick Fury. Edith cringed when she saw that the other members of the meeting were the Avengers.

"Director!" Matilda snapped.

"Agent, you'd better have a good excuse for this interruption."

"Considering the only things you consider a 'good excuse' are world threats or threats to your coffee break I highly doubt you will share my opinion that this is an emergency. Nevertheless I don't bloody care." Matilda barked.

"What is your name agent?" Fury growled.

"Keeves. You might recognize the name because you just hired my sister to do an incredibly stupid thing and I am here to object."

"I apologize for the interruption, Director, I tried to stop her from coming but once she sets her mind to something…"

"You two are sisters?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me you had family in SHIELD?"

"I assumed you knew and that was how you found out about me. Matilda is one of the higher ranked agents after all." Edith sniffed.

"I don't care if she's the president, I can't stand for her to burst in here without reason."

"Actually, it's a rather welcome distraction," Tony Stark smirked and then winked at Matilda, "How you doing?"

The female agent shot a glare his way. "Shut it Iron Head."

"I dreadfully sorry about this, it's all just a misunderstanding." Edith tried to interject.

"No it is not!" Matilda slammed her fist on the table, "You hired my sister to teach Loki manners, correct?"

"Yes we did."

"Why would you do such a stupid thing?!"

"Stark is the one paying her and she agreed to it."

"Mr. Stark," Matilda seethed, "I've heard you are a very smart man, but hiring an etiquette teacher for a murderer is a very daft thing to do. Since Edith won't quit the job I demand that you fire her immediately."

"Please don't Mr. Stark." Edith put in.

"Agent Keeves, you have no say in what happens to Ms. Keeves so please be on your way." Fury ground out.

"So you're just going to let her continue with this nonsense?"

"Until she is unable or unwilling to do her job I won't intervene, however your job is becoming something I might question."

A heavy silence fell on the room and Matilda swallowed her rage, straightening up. "I'm sorry, sir, I lost my temper."

"Get back to work, both you Keeves."

"Yes sir." Both women nodded, leaving the room. Once they were outside of the meeting room Matilda scowled and began stomping down the hall again. Edith followed meekly until they reached Loki's holding cell.

"Oh no! Matilda Marie Keeves don't you dare!" Edith yelped as the room's door slid open, "You don't know what you're getting into!"

o*o*o*o*o*o

Loki was woken from the nap he was taken when the door to the room opened and angry shouts were heard coming in. He glanced over to the opening as a woman of startling beauty plowed into the room with Edith Keeves right on her tail. The woman wore her dark blonde hair in a long braid that went down to her hips and an expression of pure hatred… which happened to be directed at him. He smiled as cunningly as he could and noted the perturbed look on Edith's face.

"Edith, back so soon? And with a friend!" He snickered, "Who is this lioness you've brought?"

The woman walked right up to the glass of his cell and slammed her fist on it. She glared straight into his eyes without hesitation. He glared right back, but she did not flinch (though Edith looked quite uncomfortable when he glanced her way). The furious woman clenched her fist tighter.

"Loki Laufeyson?" She snarled.

"The one and only."

"Normally I wouldn't stoop so low as to even watch the surveillance feed of you," The woman mocked him, "But I wanted to make sure this message got across and the best way to do that was to deliver it in person."

Loki settled down in the chair in his cell and smiled at her. "Please - deliver the message."

"Edith may be stupid enough to go through with this harebrained manners thing and the rest of SHIELD might be dumb enough to let her, but let me tell you right now: if you do anything to upset her or hurt her I will gut you and then strangle you with your own long intestine - provided aliens like yourself have such organs."

Loki stared at her for a moment, wondering what he could have possibly done to make her _this_ mad at him. Certainly all of the SHIELD agents had an aversion to him and many people had spit at him while he was out of his cell, but this was something new. She seemed to be angry solely for the purpose of protecting Edith Keeves. And her anger was impressive, which was saying something considering he'd witnessed the Hulk in action.

"The idea that I would hurt Edith is absurd. She's a useless, fragile, little woman who I have no interest in," He examined his fingernails, "But if it makes you unhappy I would love to kill her when I get out."

"Good grief!" Edith moaned, "You've made things worse than they were before. Now he actually wants to kill me!"

"You're full of blarney, Loki. You aren't getting out of that cell anytime soon, but if you just so happened to escape I would be waiting right there with a very big weapon. You touch Edith and I'll end your 'immortal' life."

"If you say so," Loki shrugged, "Now if you don't mind, I think it's lunch time."

The woman slammed the glass once more and then left the room. Edith stayed behind and sighed tiredly. She turned to him.

"I'm sorry about that."

Loki wasn't paying attention to the plump little woman, but was staring at the door. "Norns! Who was that lovely creature?" He snickered.

"That was Matilda."

"I must admit, her beauty was stunning. Do you know her well?"

Edith laughed and Loki was once again reminded of bells. "I should hope so, Matilda is my sister."

Well that explained the fierce protectiveness. Now that he knew of the relation he could pinpoint the similar details on their faces, though on Edith they were much more muted and common while Matilda's features were sharp and fine.

"Your sister? I can see who got the looks in your family."

"Manners, Mr. Laufeyson, manners," Edith responded, "But you are correct. Matilda has always been a beauty and I have always been… unsightly."

"You aren't ugly," Loki commented.

"Goodness! There could be hope for your manners yet!" Edith smiled very slightly, "It's very flattering of you to say so."

"Well you aren't beautiful either," He quickly added, irritated that he'd been soft even for a second, "You are average."

"Thank you anyways," Edith glanced at the door, "I'm sorry about Matilda's outburst. It was uncalled for."

"What? You don't think I should be strangled with my own entrails? How kind of you."

"I don't think anyone deserves to be on the receiving end of my sister's wrath. Besides…" She giggled, "According to Matilda aliens like yourself might not even have entrails to be strangled with!"

They smirked at each other for a moment and Loki wondered where her fear had gone. Only a few hours ago she'd been trembling in his presence and now she was back to her bold self. She seemed to notice this as well and she began to twist the ring on her finger nervously.

"I'm sorry about how I ignored you this morning. It was childish of me."

"You didn't just ignore me, you were positively quaking with fear," Loki pointed out, "Why the sudden change?"

"Last night I was being foolish. This morning I realized who I'm actually dealing with," She avoided his eyes again.

"And now you seem to be bold again."

"Well, Matilda instills that kind of confidence in people. Just being around her makes me feel braver," Edith crossed her arms and gave him a weak smile, "This has been a very chaotic day and I was wondering if you'd like to start again."

"Why not?"

Edith grinned wider and held out her hand. "How do you do? I'm Edith Keeves and I'm here to teach you the fine art of etiquette."

Loki raised an eyebrow at her extended hand. "I can't shake your hand from in here."

"Oh! Sorry, force of habit I suppose." She blushed and quickly dropped her hand.

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I am Loki of Asgard." He gave her a smug look and crossed his arms.

"See, being civil toward one another is simple!" She teased, "No need for nasty insults or threats at all!"

"I can't promise that, my dear lump," He said smoothly, "I've already made a deal with your sister that I'll kill you."

"Heavens, a threat and an insult in one breath," She grunted, "You are a prickly one."

"Isn't about time for lunch?"

"It is. I'll fetch it and be back in a flash." Edith nodded and left the room. Loki watched her go with a snort. After she was gone his mind went back to Matilda. He couldn't stop thinking about her brown eyes and blonde hair. He frowned.

 _Oh no, don't even think about it._ _She is SHIELD, she hates you and you don't need to waste another second thinking about her,_ He chided himself when his mind once again wandered to her, _But she was stunning… perhaps - No!_ _Don't think it._ _Don't go there._

It was too late. She was seared into his mind and he couldn't shake her off. Special Agent Matilda Keeves had bewitched him with her beauty.

o*o*o*o*o*o

Edith carefully balanced two trays in her hands as she wound her way back to Loki's cell. When she got inside she carefully set her own tray down on the table in the corner and went over to the slot carved in the glass cell to deliver Loki's meal. She opened the flap and slid the tray in, before she could pull her hand out of the slot he grabbed her wrist from the inside and pulled her closer to the glass. She yelped in surprise, she hadn't even seen him come close to the glass - hadn't he just been laying on the bed?

"Let me go this instant or I will holler for help and then you'll be in for it!" She tried to sound as threatening as she could, but her voice shook slightly. Did he mean what he said about killing her? Could he possibly do so from within the cell?

"Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you," Loki snapped, "I just wanted to talk to you."

"You didn't have to grab my arm!"

"Pay attention, I want your help."

"With what?!" Edith tried to yank her hand away, but he only held on tighter.

"I want to know about your sister." He said longingly and Edith's eyes widened before she laughed.

"I recognize that look, the boys back home used to get the same look when they saw Matty passing by on the street. You fancy her!"

His gaze became stern and indignant. "I find her… attractive. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"Yes, in fact, there is."

"What?"

"There are many things wrong with it. One, she hates you. Two, her job would never allow it. Three, she hates you. Four, you are evil and despicable. Five, she hates you. Did I mention she hates you? She does." Edith informed him. It wasn't very polite of her to speak like this, but sometimes protecting sisters came before manners.

"She doesn't know me."

"Thank you, that's another thing wrong with it. You don't know each other."

"I'm saying if she got to know me then…" He trailed off, waiting for Edith to see his point.

"What? She'll see that 'oh! he's not a insane extraterrestrial who would as much as kill a person as look at them!' and fall head over heals?"

"Why not?" He asked stiffly.

"Because you _are_ an insane extraterrestrial who kills people! And even if you weren't then how could you ever get her to like you? She has standards," Edith sniffed airily, "High standards."

"Precisely why I'm asking for your help. If you tell me about her and teach me how to be someone she _would_ like, then I might stand a chance. You're here to teach me manners anyway, why not teach me how to woo your sister as well?"

Edith snorted. "Because she's my sister. I would never…"

"If you don't I'll be sure to make your life miserable." He snapped quickly.

"I'm not going to go behind my sister's back for personal reasons. I'm not that selfish."

"Relentless insults and threats. I won't listen to a word you say about those confounded manners," He promised, "I'll be a constant thorn in your side and I'll…" He thought for a moment and then squeezed her wrist, "Break your arm!"

The crazed sparkle in his eye told Edith he wasn't bluffing. "Goodness! It's worse than I thought!" She sighed heavily, "You've got a bad case of the Mattys, Mr. Laufeyson, but I'm afraid you'll just have to get over it. I simply will not…" He yanked her arm and pulled her close to the cell.

"I realize how ridiculous it sounds for me to be asking this, and it probably is completely asinine, but…" He paused and she caught sight of a mischievous glint in his eyes, "Surely you wouldn't deny a man his last chance at love, would you?"

"You said yourself that you are immortal, I'm certain a thousand more women will come into your life - all much more qualified, and by that I mean evil, than my sister. Whatever do you mean by saying that this is your last chance at love?"

He lightened his grip on her arm a tad and his face became somber. "Do you not realize that even if I serve out my sentence the Avengers will never risk letting me go? And if they don't let me go then what do you think will become of me? Hmm?"

"I'm hardly the person to ask." Edith frowned.

"They will either kill me or lock me away in the basement of some obscure SHIELD prison - left for another generation to deal with. I calculate that they will put up with me for two years or so and then hide me away - whether it be as a corpse or a prisoner I know not." Loki sounded like he was actually fearful of this outcome, but Edith wasn't buying it.

"I give credit to your acting abilities, sir, but Odin would intervene, or Thor, or someone else of your realm."

"Thor would do what was best for Asgard - or even Midgard - regardless of what that meant. Odin cares little of what becomes of me. The only person who would actually put up much a fight to such a punishment would be the queen, and even she would get over it eventually." Loki huffed.

"Self-pity is not becoming," Edith commented automatically and then bit her lip in thought, "I understand that you have obviously been… greatly affected… by my sister, but can't you understand what an awkward position you've put me in?"

"I suppose, but what's the harm in trying? If you did do what I'm asking then it isn't as if Matilda is going to be tricked into falling for me, I would simply be bettering myself with that outcome in mind."

"That is true." She thought for a moment. If he wanted her to teach him how to convince Matilda then he would be much less likely to kill her and he might even make her job here easier. It would be awfully rude to go behind her sister's back like this, but maybe, just maybe it would yield a favorable outcome.

Loki straightened and tightened his grip on her arm once more. "Your answer, mortal?"

"Very well, you've convinced me. The bargain is this: I will teach you Earthen etiquette as well as how to catch Matty's eye if you promise to not kill me or anyone else during the time of the instruction and to not bother Matilda if she turns you down. Understood?"

He gave her a charming grin and she felt butterflies erupt in her stomach. With a nod he released her wrist and she backed away, red in the face. Loki gave a mock bow.

"It is crystal clear, my dear lump, and I think you will find that I am a quick study."

Edith crossed her pudgy arms and exhaled in irritation. "I should hope so, you were a prince after all."

o*o*o*o*o*o

The Lump had relented! Loki smirked at his victory as Edith went to smooth things over with her sister. He really had been quite taken by Agent Keeves, but he was also painfully bored in this cell and trying to woo her would provide quite a challenge. Breaking her heart afterwards would probably be equally entertaining - though with that beauty and sharp tongue he wasn't sure he wanted to make her broken-hearted.

Sitting on his cot he thought over his brief conversation with Matilda and wondered if she was actually capable of gutting him. He wouldn't put it past her, SHIELD taught a number of odd things to their agents. How adorable.

 **A/N: Oh my, he's really head-over-heels, ain't he? That was fast. Anywho, I hope you liked it! Please feel free to tell me what you think (I love to hear from anyone who is willing to review and I have a fire extinguisher at the ready if you want to flame me). Have a good day!**


	5. Chapter 5

_Bang!_

As Edith rushed through the doors into holding room she slammed into someone incredibly solid and the papers in her hands flew everywhere as she was knocked onto her rump. Papers fluttered down around her and she grunted in irritation. She was running late and had been so focused on reading over a SHIELD policy list that she didn't pay attention to where she was going.

"Top o'the morning Crumpet!" The voice of Tony Stark greeted her, offering a hand to help her up. He was wearing one of his suits, which would account for why he'd been totally unaffected by their collision.

"Good morning, Mr. Stark. I apologize, I was distracted." Edith began collecting the papers that had erupted from her grasp and tried to ignore the amused stare of the room's prisoner. Loki seemed ready to tease, insult, or further make a fool of her, but held his tongue while Iron Man was present.

"No problem," Stark said, picking up a few papers as well, "You were really booking, how come?"

"I'm a tad late."

"Don't sweat it, showing up late it one of my specialties, happens to everyone."

"I don't often like to waste the time of those I work with. I find it disrespectful and an all around show of poor character," She finally nabbed the last of her papers and nodded curtly to her current employer, "So, if you will excuse me, I must be on my way," She glanced up at him and tried to keep the sarcasm from her voice, "Lovely seeing you again."

"You too Crumpet, take care." His metal hand patted her shoulder and he clomped off down the hall.

Edith sighed and smoothed her skirt and blouse, looking up to her pupil. "I am sorry for being late, Mr. Laufeyson, I hope you weren't waiting too long for my arrival."

"Despite the great imposition of having to wait for you, your entrance provided quite an entertaining spectacle," He sneered, "You are ever so graceful, my dear lump."

"And you, my pupil, are as rude as ever. Shall we begin the day's instructions?"

The trickster leaned on the wall and gave her a calculating smile. "Indeed. Teach me all I need to know in the art of wooing Matilda Keeves."

"Sorry, as that is not what I'm receiving payment for, we will begin our instructions with the proper way to greet a human and engage them in conversation," Edith shuffled her stack of papers and set them down on a table nearby, "Before I commence, I'd like to lay down the rules of the classroom."

"By all means."

"First, this is a professional environment and any topic deviating from our lessons or structured conversations will not be tolerated. Second, I do not wish to teach those who've no desire to learn. I care little for monetary amounts that Mr. Stark will offer, if you refuse to pay attention, mock the teaching, or show no signs of actually absorbing the information I give then I shall return home. Third, any and all talk of my sister will be limited to one hour after my teaching time. Are these rules understood?" She tried to hide the shaking of her hands as she looked him in the eye. Having Matilda near may have inspired a certain amount of braveness, but he was still a murderer and he still sent shivers down her spine whenever he looked her way.

"Your rules do not fall on deaf ears, I assure you. May I ask how long you will be staying at the base?"

"How long is your sentence?"

"Five years of community service was the price I was told to pay, accompanied by ten years in a SHIELD prison."

"Seems like a rather small span of time considering how long you'll live and how much you've done," Edith muttered, "I will be teaching until you've either mastered everything I have to teach or until six months have passed."

A moment later she began teaching. It was strange to think he had to learn anything; he seemed so intellectual. Every instruction she gave he nodded along with and every time she gave an example and asked him to copy her he did it. Edith had never considered etiquette a difficult thing to master, but it was still shocking how quickly Loki picked up on things. Apparently he hadn't been lying when he claimed he was a quick study.

* * *

o*o*o*o

It was startling how dull these topics were. As if he, a prince - nay a _king_ \- didn't know how to properly greet someone! The thought was ludicrous. Yet, he was surprised at how different the customs were on Midgard than on Asgard. There was no bowing or curtsying, no one was addressed by their rank, and handshakes were common between everyone, whether it be between equals or those of starkly different classes. It disturbed him that he would be expected to touch hands with even the riff-raff of Midgard.

Edith seemed passionate about what she taught and when she got into the rhythm her eyes lit up. Perhaps it was not the subject, he noticed, so much as the idea of teaching that made her eyes come alive. She gestured to demonstrate her points and began to walk across the room as she spoke. Occasionally he could see that she remembered whose presence she was in and sobered, but after only a few minutes of teaching she was glowing again.

A beeping echoed through the room and Edith straightened and her face became more serious. She strode over to the table in the room and pressed a button on a small device, cutting the noise short. Carefully tucking wild strands of hair behind her ears, the woman smiled calmly at him.

"The intricacies of etiquette have long ago been forgotten by most and are rarely relevant in this day and age. However, I find that times when such knowledge is needed have a habit of popping up and when it does it is best to be prepared. I realize that it is difficult to remember all of the rules, but when in doubt remember one simple policy: treat others in the same manner you wish to be…" The woman choked on her words and met his eyes, probably remembering some of the specific things he had done recently and realizing how greatly he contrasted this "simple rule".

"Yes, Edith?" He smirked, "You were saying?"

"Err," She twisted the ring on her finger again, "Treat others how you want to be treated." Her voice had become quiet and her eyes narrowed in his direction.

"And for those who deserve to be treated in a lowlier manner? What of them?" He was thinking of peasants and beggars, but she seemed to think he was referring to himself.

"Just because you've done awful things doesn't mean we should not follow such a rule, but justice does need to be served. Just because we punish you doesn't mean we shouldn't be polite."

He laughed. "You misunderstood. I was not calling myself lowly, I was thinking of people beneath one's rank. Are they to be treated the same as a king?"

Her response was swift and her eyes harsh, daring him to argue. "All men were created equal. No one is better than anyone else."

"I am not one of your men, I am an entirely different species." He pointed out.

"And yet you still behave just as poorly as one of us _mortals_." Edith gave him a tight smile and began collecting the papers she'd set out on the table. He could tell she was about to leave.

"What of our deal, my dear lump? Or have you so easily forgotten?" He called as she continued to the door. Sitting through her long lecture was certainly worth hearing a bit about that lovely creature Matilda.

"I have not, however, it is lunch time. I'll be back with our meals in a moment and then we can… discuss our other topic," She was about to leave, but paused at the door and turned back slightly, "I noticed you barely touch your food. Is there anything specific you'd like me to bring you?"

"It is true, I do not favor the meals served here. Particularly odious to me is the dish titled 'mac-n-cheese'. If you could find some plain meat or fruit that would suit me well." He said, curious as to why she would even care. Presumably she was following up on her teachings and trying to treat him in a way she herself wished to be treated. What a ridiculous notion. Did she hope to gain his approval be this show of false kindness? Or perhaps she truly upheld the belief and acted upon it. He would comply to this practice only for the sake of keeping Edith pacified, but not for a moment longer.

The woman nodded and left. Once she had gone he grabbed an unfinished book that was on his cot. He had read but a phrase when the doors to the holding room reopened and someone entered.

"Back so soon, lump?" He called, not looking up.

"Excuse me?" A familiar female voice called. When Loki did bother to look he saw a head full of bright red hair.

"Romanoff."

"Who did you think it was?"

"Edith, she was retrieving my lunch."

"Speaking of the Keeves sisters…" The assassin trailed off and dropped into the chair set up outside of the cell. She propped her feet on Edith's desk and crossed her arms, "You realize that all of your conversations are recorded, correct?"

Loki rolled his eyes. Of course he knew that. He expected nothing less from SHIELD, especially since they didn't know where his scepter had gone after the battle. They suspected he knew the location, and he did have a general idea, but the thing was far beyond his reach.

Why was Romanoff bringing up the recordings? And what did it have to do with the Keeves? Suddenly it clicked in his head and he chuckled. So SHIELD knew of his extra lessons with Edith. He wondered if Matilda knew.

"How does Agent Keeves feel about my conversations?" He smirked, sitting up and looking at the redhead in front of him. She raised an eyebrow.

"Matty is a good agent and a friend. I haven't shown her yet."

"I suppose you are here to reprimand me. Put me back in my place."

"No."

"No? Then what is the purpose of your visit?"

"I'm here to warn you."

"About?"

"Matilda Keeves."

"Let me guess, if I hurt her feelings then you'll lengthen my sentence? Threaten to beat me black and blue? Or perhaps just give me a stern talking to?" He asked, already planning a dozen ways to break Agent Keeves' heart.

"No."

"Another negative reply?" His eyebrow raised, "Truly, I am curious about this 'warning' now."

"Listen up, none of us feel any sympathy for you, Loki, none of us - except Thor - care much about what happens to you, however…"

"However?"

"Even you deserve a fair warning about Keeves," The assassin smirked, "If you hurt her I won't be _able_ to do a thing to you because there won't be anything left of you."

"If you mean to tell me that Matilda is a bit violent toward those she has ill feelings for, I already know."

"She _is_ violent, but that's not what I'm saying. Matilda is special, if you catch my drift."

"You mean to say that she has some ability normal Midgardians do not share?"

"We call her kind mutants. There are a lot of people in this world who aren't fond of them and she has been through a lot. She doesn't think before she acts when it comes to defending herself and there tends to be collateral damage."

Loki thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yes, I believe I have heard of these 'mutants'. It is a certain gene, is it not? Generally shared in families."

"Correct."

"Does that mean Edith is one as well?"

"No, and she doesn't know her sister is one either. Keep it that way or there will be time added to your sentence."

"Very well," He sighed, "Though your warning is futile. I shall still do as I wish and get out unscathed. Just watch me."

"Watch you what?" Edith's voice called from the door. She walked in, awkwardly carrying two trays of food. Black Widow jumped to take one of the trays before the other woman could trip or something.

"Watch me escape from here," Loki replied smoothly as the redhead put his food through the slot, "SHIELD thinks they can intimidate me, but I've gotten out of tighter spots than this. Freeing myself will be child's play."

Romanoff shot him a glance and began to leave. "Don't be so sure about that. Thor helped us design this cage for you."

"By saying this you only enforce my confidence. Thor is an oaf who could never design anything more complex than a way to get food into his mouth faster."

The Widow left and Edith plopped her tray down on her table. She unwrapped the plastic utensils from their covering and began stirring some form of meat and sauce mixture. Loki watched her for a moment and then picked up his own meal. He was pleased to see that Edith had actually tried to find pleasing food. Nothing as good as the stuff in Asgard, but tolerable.

"Thank you." He mumbled.

Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "You are most welcome!" He could tell she was excited at his small display of manners, but by the expression on her face one might think she had just been told she'd won a large sum of money.

"Norns, you resemble a candle glowing in the night! All I did was thank you - grudgingly at that."

"Pardon my excitement, it is just wonderful to know that my teaching has had some effect," She nodded to him and forked some of her meal into her mouth. Once she'd swallowed she grinned at him once more, "With a little effort we could have you saying please as well!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Forget I even said such a thing, lump. Let us talk of Matilda, shall we?"

At that the candle was snuffed out and her professional demeanor returned. Loki almost wished he could bring back the smiling face. Almost.

Edith took a sip of water and looked at him.

"What would you like to know?"

"How did she come to join SHIELD?"

"That is something I'm not entirely sure of. She has never been one to play by the books exactly, and she is quite bad at following orders," Edith tapped her chin, "I suppose they might have heard of her a few years back. She was on our local police force and there was some incident involving her - I can't recall the specifics - where she caused a ruckus and had to leave town for a while. When she came back she packed up her belongings and joined SHIELD."

Loki supposed that must have been something to do with her mutant status.

"Interesting," He muttered, "What are some of her hobbies?"

"Besides mixed martial arts? She is rather fond of gardening and flowers."

"I know this etiquette nonsense is your bread and butter, but what does she think of it?"

Edith smiled knowingly. "If you are asking 'will learning these manners pay off', then the answer is yes. Although her own behavior is coarse at times, she does like a gentleman."

"Glad to hear it." He nodded and ate some of his own food.

Edith glanced at him. "How do you plan to catch her attention anyway? She isn't likely to come around you often."

He winked. "That is rather an easy thing to accomplish. However, I shall need your help."

"Oh?"

"I need you to tell Matilda that you feel threatened in my presence and that you would like to have her sit in on our lessons. That should give me ample opportunity to express my feelings toward her, don't you think?"

"True, but one thing that you should know about Matty is that she doesn't like to be chased," Edith set her fork down, "Or rather, she doesn't know that she doesn't like to be chased."

"Elaborate."

"If you were to tell her what you thought of her she would immediately turn you down, but in the back of her mind you would have planted a seed. From what I know of my sister she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it and then she'd be expecting you to say something else about her. As I said, she does not want to be chased. If you were to give in and, oh, compliment her when she was expecting it then she would have no more interest in you, however if you ignored her after planting the seed then…"

"She'd go mad wondering why?"

"Pretty much. You have to bait her and then ignore her and… oh goodness! I'm talking of her like she is some fishing prize!" Edith shook her head.

"We can finish this conversation after luncheon if you prefer." Loki noted.

"No, no. A deal is a deal, regardless of my distaste for it."

"After I ignore her, how will she respond?"

"She'll probably find reasons to spend more time around you to see what you do. I'd recommend completely ignoring her for a bit and then, when she least expects it, give her the most sincere compliment you can think of and she will be completely confused."

"And then?"

"Perhaps by that point you will have shown some rehabilitative progress and she'll be interested. I still doubt it, however, as she is not one to fall for the villains."

Loki pondered this while eating some more of his food. Matilda was not the type to go for bad boys? Well then, he'd have to make himself a victim. Concoct some story to fool her - perhaps even fool them all. Oh yes, he quite liked that strategy.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! Please follow/favorite/review! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

"So this is the hole they've been keeping you in!"

Edith looked up from her cellular phone and smiled when she spotted her sister leaning on the doorframe of her closet of a room. The agent grinned and plopped down on the bed next to her sister.

"How was your day?"

"Cut the blarney and politeness. Tell me how _your_ day was. Did he threaten you at all? They didn't let him out of his cage did they? I mean, SHIELD can be bloody idiots at times but even they aren't that stupid, right?"

"Goodness no! He stayed right in his cell the entire time. At moments he could even be pleasant company." Edith noted. It wasn't a lie, he did have charming aspects to his otherwise demeaning attitude.

"I really don't believe that," Matilda leaned back on the small bed and bumped her head on the wall, "Blast it, this room is small! You wanna move in with me? I've got a spare bed at the moment."

"Oh?"

"My flatmate moved out the day after the mess with the aliens. Think she went to live with her parents in Wyoming."

Edith regarded her tiny room. It was not nearly large enough for her and considering how long she would have to spend at the SHIELD base she supposed a bigger residence would be pleasant. It would also be lovely to spend time with her sister since they hadn't seen each other in so long.

"I would love to - that is, if it won't inconvenience you."

"Even if it did I'd have you over anyway. I don't feel right leaving you here."

"It's honestly not that bad. I'm a rather short person."

"Not just leaving you in this nook, but also because of all the stuff that happens in this place. They bring in dangerous criminals all the time, parade them right past your door on the way to the holding cells. In fact…" She scraped her fingernail across some paint on the wall, "Yeah, this place used to _be_ cell. I don't want you staying so close to so many creepers."

"If you're sure."

"Absolutely. Besides, I'll probably be off on a mission in a day or two and you can have my flat all to yourself."

Edith bit her lip worriedly. "You'll be leaving?"

Matilda's eyes softened. "Yeah, but it's alright. I won't be gone for too long."

"Oh, but Matty…" Edith thought back to the plan Loki had been forming, and though she felt bad for the deception, she had made a deal, "You can't stay at the base?"

"We'll see what Fury has in mind for me," She winked, "After my little outburst I'm thinking he's going to want me far away from him for a bit."

"Bother," Edith muttered, twisting the ring on her hand, "That _is_ upsetting."

Matilda narrowed her eyes. "Why? Is that monster bothering you?"

Summoning her best acting abilities, Edith squeezed out a tear and shook her head pitifully. "Oh, it's nothing really. It shan't be a problem."

"You're bloody crying, Eddy! What did he do?! I'll slit his throat."

"No, no!" Edith wiped away her false tear, "It isn't so bad as all that. I just feel… well unsafe. It isn't particularly anything he said, but just the paranoia that he could get out at any moment. And I'd be right there when it happened."

Matilda cupped her sister's cheek gently and kissed her forehead. "Hey, hey, it's alright. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay?"

Edith sniffled in a somewhat unladylike manner. "I don't see how. You'll be off to the reaches of the earth and fighting villains far away."

"I'll have a chat with Fury. He knows no one can protect you as well as I can - 'cept maybe the Avengers."

"Matty, I don't want you to give up your travels just for me! I know how much SHIELD means to you."

"Too late! My mind's made up! I'm doing it."

Inwardly Edith smirked to herself, feeling triumphant at her deception. Apart from being terribly rude, tricking Matilda into doing things for her was also terribly easy. It had been that way since they were children. If Edith had wanted her sister to do something, all she had to do was convince her older sister that it was too dangerous for Edith to do herself and Matilda would come sweeping in and "save the day". It was was pleasing to find that the same trick still worked when they were both adults.

Outwardly, Edith gave a small smile, attempting to look as fragile as possible and nodded.

"Thank you. You've no idea how much better I'll feel having you there beside me."

"I'll give that alien a piece of my mind - and my fist - if he says anything to upset you." Matilda promised.

"Oh don't worry so much about all that. He says a great many threatening things, but I believe that's simply part of his personality. He doesn't care for me at all and he's determined to let me know that. All you really have to do is stand there and boost my confidence."

"Then that's what I'll do. Shouldn't be too difficult," The older sister grinned wickedly, "Besides, staring at him all day is hardly work, he's rather easy on the eyes."

Edith giggled. "Matty! I didn't think intergalactic space villains were your type!"

"I'm just full of surprises," She winked, "And it's not as if I'm going to ask him on a date. I don't have to like someone to appreciate their attractiveness."

Edith grabbed her pillow and swatted her sister with it. "Oh for goodness sake! Can we please talk about something else?" This was a sure fire way to get Matilda to stay on one topic and Edith knew it.

"Those eyes are so intense, you know? And that hair! What kind of shampoo do you think he uses?"

"He probably doesn't even use shampoo, he probably uses the blood of orphans or something." Edith poked her sister in the side and Matilda confiscated the pillow to smack her with.

"Then maybe I should open a blood drive that only orphans can donate to because his hair is fabulous and you can't deny it." She snorted and they both began laughing and hitting each other with the pillow. The sisterly teasing would have turned into a full blown pillow fight had there not been a knock on the door.

Before either sister could compose themselves Nick Fury stepped into the room. He glared at Matilda for a moment and then turned to Edith. She smiled politely at him despite the fact he had just barged into her room.

"Director, is there something I can do for you?"

"He says he's willing to give us information."

"I presume you mean Loki, correct? Might I ask what this has to do with us?"

"He's says he's only willing if you two agree to be there. Get down to interrogations in the next ten minutes." He closed the door and left.

"How peculiar."

"What does he want us to be there for?"

"Perhaps he sees us as… friends?" Edith suggested, straightening her hair and slipping her feet into her sensible heels, "Maybe it will make him feel better to have us there?"

"Oh so now we're his safety blanket, is that it?"

"I don't know, Matty, maybe he's planning an escape and he just wants us to be there so he can kill us. Nothing he does seems to make much sense so I say we just roll with it."

* * *

He was crying.

Edith couldn't believe her eyes. The man who was full of threats and bravado was handcuffed to a SHIELD interrogation table and tears were trickling down his face. To be sure, he looked thoroughly saddened and almost apologetic, but there was something just slightly off about the whole situation.

Perhaps the fact that he was bloody _crying_.

Thor didn't seem quite convinced by the tears his brother shed and Edith was sure there were a thousand SHIELD analysts watching from another room and doubting him as well.

"Alright, Loki, I brought Edith and Agent Keeves. Stop blubbering and talk." Fury dropped into the seat across from the criminal while Thor remained standing in the corner. Matilda took another corner and Edith, unsure of what to do in a situation like this sat in the seat along one of the walls.

"Apologies," He wiped his eyes and looked shamefully down at his hands, "I don't know what came over me."

"Just talk."

"Very well. I am here to tell you something you may not believe," He looked up and straight into Fury's eyes, "But it is the truth, I swear it."

"You're going to have to do some clever lying to get me to believe anything you say."

"Agreed," Thor snapped.

"The Chitauri invasion was not entirely my fault," He looked up to disbelieving faces, hands trembling and rattling his cuffs slightly, "Yes, I am responsible for some part, but there was another who drove me to do it."

"Oh really?" Fury didn't sound a bit convinced, but Thor looked eager to believe this new story.

"When I fell from the Rainbow Bridge-"

"When you what?" Fury asked.

"Rainbow Bridge? What is this Mario Kart?" Matilda snorted.

"When I returned from my time here on Earth," Thor supplied, "Loki and I fought and he fell from a multicolored bridge in Asgard into a great void. We all thought him dead."

"As I fell through that void it almost felt as though I were dead," Loki agreed, "But I lived to be captured by a power hungry warlord by the name of Thanos."

"And what's a warlord doing floating around space?"

"Thanos, the Mad Titan?" Thor asked, eyes wide.

Nodding, Loki continued, "It is his way to travel through the realms, collecting those who might be useful to him. He has many fierce warriors at his disposal."

"And he just happened upon you floating through space and thought 'hey, this guy might be useful for something'?" Fury raised a brow.

"Essentially, yes. He knew of my history and had a plan ready for me. However, I initially refused him," A strange fear filled his eyes and Edith was convinced that what he was saying was true, "That may have been a mistake."

"What did he do to you, brother?"

"Unspeakable horrors that I'd prefer not to relive."

"Torture!" Thor looked ready to hit something or someone.

"Eventually, there was not much else I could do but concede - not that I had much choice in the end."

"What do you mean by that?" Edith spoke up, curious.

Looking over to her, he seemed a broken man.

"The scepter."

While Edith wasn't quite sure what that meant, everyone else in the room seemed to. Thor growled angrily and seemed to want to comfort his brother. Fury stood up and looked to the mirror in the room, making sure the people on the other side were paying attention. Matilda crossed her arms and scowled deeply.

"You're saying that the same magic trick you pulled on Barton and the others was done to you first?" Fury demanded.

"Yes. It is a most… enlightening experience to be fully aware of one's actions but having your mind completely changed into thinking those actions are now correct. It was as if Thanos' ideas were now my own and they were the only ones that mattered."

"Okay, and how do we know you aren't still under his control?" Matilda snapped.

"There was a point in the battle when I took a rather nasty beating by Dr. Banner's counterpart. I believe that's when I was shocked back into my own mind."

"Alright, that lines up with the others who have been freed from the scepter's control. But you have no way to prove any of this."

"No, I do not," He hung his head once more, "And I regret to say that my failure to accomplish Thanos' plans may have angered him. He had always been coming for Midgard, but I may have hastened his approach."

* * *

Fools.

They were buying it. Thor had been waiting all along to find a way to take the blame from Loki and the others seemed to be invested in his lie as well.

It was a struggle to keep from smirking as Fury seemed to process what had been said. Certainly, some of the lie was actually truth. Thanos had "saved" Loki from death in the void and ordered him to attack Midgard, but Loki hardly resisted after the first bout of torture. After all, it was his brother's favorite realm and taking it from him would be all too sweet a revenge.

"I think I've heard enough for one day. Thor, Keeves, take him back to his cell." Fury got up and flicked his wrist at them.

Loki stood and allowed for Matilda to unchain him from the table. She got close enough that he could smell her - an odd scent of sweat and something antibacterial, not very feminine at all, but it somehow worked for her.

As Thor and Matilda lead him from the room and in the direction of his cell, he noticed that Edith was tagging along as well. Her short legs pumping to keep up with the other's long strides. Now he let himself grin. Her walk reminded him somewhat of a baby bird.

"Edith, gather your things and meet me in the car park, m'kay?" Matilda called over her shoulder, "We'll head to my flat once I take care of this."

"Oh, very well," Edith began to divert her path, but as she did so Stark showed up.

"Crumpet! Where you headed? It would be my honor to escort you - can't be too careful what with all these nasty villains hanging about, eh gov'nor?"

"Mr. Stark," Edith now resembled an animal that had just walked into a trap, "I regret to inform you that your accent seems to get more and more outlandish each time you attempt it."

"That's the point," He winked, "But seriously, let me escort you?"

"Oh, no, no! I'm alright on my own, thank you. I'm sure you are very busy."

"I insist!"

"Stark," Loki called, "The lump said 'no' so leave it."

The billionaire crossed his arms and smirked at Loki.

"What, you getting protective of your teacher?"

"I'm sure he's just trying to be nice," Edith commented, "In any case, I really must be going."

"Starting to get attached to her, are you?"

Loki knew he shouldn't say anything. He should keep up his ashamed act and pretend to be meek and thoroughly sobered by his confession. However, he'd started to think of Edith as loyal to him. In his ridiculous scheme to woo Matilda he had only one ally and he wasn't going to let Stark bully her.

"I'd prefer it if you kept your hands away from my pet," He sneered, "She's quite a rare breed and I do so enjoy her company."

Edith looked about ready to explode with anger at this declaration, but rather than stick around to hear anything else said about her, she waddled off. Seeing her go, Loki winked at Stark and allowed for Thor and Matilda to pull him away.

"It's a good thing Eddy asked me to stick around because I'm going to enjoy making you suffer if you ever call my sister a 'pet' again," Matilda hissed, digging her nails into his arm.

"Truly, brother, that was not behavior befitting a prince of Asgard."

"Ah, but you forget that I'm no longer a prince."

"If Thanos did what you claim then Father may be more understanding to your situation."

At this Loki just barely hid his gleeful grin. He'd come up with the story to garner sympathy from Matilda, but if it restored him to Asgard, where he'd truly wanted to be all along, he'd work harder to make his tale of woe convincing. After all, he couldn't conquer Asgard from Midgard.

 **A/N: So... it's been more than a year since I've updated this story. Whoops. Thanks for being patient and for reading! :)**


End file.
